The Wildest Stories from Kingdom Come 2: Delivering Mayhem and Laughter

Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just another medieval RPG; it's a masterclass in unpredictable absurdity, blending brutal realism with laugh-out-loud moments at every turn. Forget predictable quests – your journey through Bohemia will be filled with uniquely bizarre side adventures. The tales below are spoiler-free, focusing solely on the game's hilariously unexpected charm.

Table of Contents

• Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
• Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
• Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
• Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
• Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
• Why Kingdom Come 2 Stands Out

Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song

Nestled in the heart of the map lies Želejov, a town boasting a bathhouse, a fighting arena, and a lively tavern. Here reside two incredibly lazy troubadours, dreaming of Bohemian musical domination with their "epic" songs. Their problem? They lack funds, instruments, and any discernible artistic direction – noble ideals or beautiful women? Who knows!

Henry, ever the helpful soul, embarks on a quest to aid these aspiring musicians. This involves stealing a lute (risking arrest and reputation damage), only to have its strings snapped by the musicians, who demand new ones made from sheep intestines. The hurdles continue: after acquiring the strings, the bards reveal their debt to the innkeeper, refusing to work it off, claiming it's beneath their genius to carry sacks. After countless errands across Bohemia, the troubadours finally possess everything they need – instrument, freedom, and inspiration. Their reward? A soul-crushingly dull song about Henry's mundane exploits: stealing, sheep butchering, and bag hauling. The locals cringe, Henry facepalms, and I? I laughed uncontrollably.

Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern

Remember those lute strings? They require crafting by a local hunter, Vojtěch. The catch? Vojtěch is a drunkard who, after a drunken stumble into the woods, found himself tree-climbing to escape a wolf pack. The intended rescue involves carrying him back to camp, saving his horse from bandits, and helping him sober up, earning his loyalty and survival skills. But what if you deliver him straight to the tavern?

That's precisely what I did, trekking through forests and swamps with a very unhappy Vojtěch slung over my shoulder. His reaction upon arrival? "What kind of help is this?! Where am I? How do I get home with this injured leg? And what about my horse? You’re an idiot!" He refused further assistance, limping away grumbling. Our next encounter? He greeted me with a scowl, offering the best view behind his shack as compensation. "It's the best I can offer," he muttered bitterly.

Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog

In Kingdom Come, the Polovtsians are the villains responsible for Henry's family's tragedy. Finding them causing trouble in a tavern ignited my fury. I marched toward their encampment, ready for vengeance. Instead, I found friendly fellows eager to socialize. Within minutes, I was matchmaking; ten minutes later, we were drinking; fifteen minutes after that, we were singing bizarre songs together. Then, a talking dog interrupted, lecturing me on life's purpose and challenging me to swim across a lake. Somehow, I survived, laughing uncontrollably throughout.

Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price

By hour 30, I was a master thief. By hour 31, Bohemia's Public Enemy Number One. A single botched heist: I looted a guard barracks, but a passerby noticed me. The next morning, a guard stormed in, accusing me based on witness testimony and my remaining evidence (flashy accessories and lingering stench). I talked my way out, learning a valuable lesson: even minor details matter in this game.

Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies

I stole a horse, intending to sell it to Mikolaj, a gypsy horse trader. Mikolaj was asleep, and the horse bolted before I could tie it up. I waited until dawn, enduring Mikolaj's agonizingly slow breakfast routine before finally selling the horse. Even minor escapades become hilarious misadventures in Kingdom Come 2.

Why Kingdom Come 2 Stands Out

These are just glimpses into what makes Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 so unique. Every decision, no matter how small, has consequences. From rescuing drunkards to philosophizing with dogs, the game provides endless entertainment. Its realism and immersion make every playthrough unforgettable, a must-play for open-world RPG fans. Bohemia awaits!